I just watched "She's the man" the other day... it was really good, either that... or my companion's laughter was just too infectious for me not to enjoy it as well.
I made a remark to my roommate about how I only have 38 more days to go before I fly back to Singapore and we were just lamenting on the time spent (or wasted) here... and she asked me, "have we learnt anything over here?"
We could have just ended that with a joke about all the wrong things we learnt (like how to watch videos in the office, or stealing office power etc.) but I suppose... this was a topic that was brought up too close to the end to be so easily dismissed by humor. For it is bad to think that we learnt nothing despite 2 months of living alone in HK, but it is far worse to not realize what we are going to take away from this intern experience.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
I’m by no means suggesting what I have gone through is a “horror” but it is just an analogy of what I have never thought myself capable of enduring or surviving on my own. I’m the youngest in my family and for many years, the word responsibility has hardly been associated with me. I guess my earlier days of being a blur and forgetful child alluded to that distinction… and it always seemed impossible to get my folks to actually agree or perhaps acknowledge that I could be slightly mature or responsible or dependable or smart. I’ll always get worked up when someone throws the same accusation to me, “you’re forgetful, you’re blur, cannot be trusted, always like that one.” Extreme annoyance and irritation…And from there just pure hurt and resignation, yes, I am stupid, irresponsible and undependable; nothing good can ever come out from me.
I never understood why their opinion differs so much from what my friends or professors or colleagues thought, it didn’t matter or register to me that others didn’t feel that same way. In truth, everything I did was to prove them wrong, my grades and achievement was to earn that elusive trust I felt I didn’t have.
I guess that’s why I never thought myself capable of surviving Hong Kong on my own. I’ll probably be stupid enough to get myself hurt, or forgetful enough to not succeed, or blur enough to spend all my money, or naïve enough to get cheated. None of these things happened. And it may be remarkable to those at home, but even more enlightening for me. For once, I don’t feel like I need to prove anything but to myself that I am fine being alone. I can be happy, I can take care of myself and I am not as immature, blur, irresponsible as I thought I was. In Hong Kong, I gain that little more confidence and that little more self esteem. Finally acknowledging to myself the qualities I had…
Yesterday, I was told I didn’t get my double degree, in normal circumstances, I would have continued to cried for the next few days feeling like a complete and utter failure. I did cry, I felt sad I couldn’t attain my goal but my friends, my sis, Jiang, even my mum all gave me their trust, their affirmation that they were already proud of me to come thus far… I have never felt so loved… haha...
What I have taken away from Hong Kong may be immaterial, I may even have gotten the same lessons if I had stayed in Singapore. Somehow, I feel a little stronger, a little wiser… I guess, all I needed was just some time by myself to figure out my own thoughts instead of being influenced by others… =)
I made a remark to my roommate about how I only have 38 more days to go before I fly back to Singapore and we were just lamenting on the time spent (or wasted) here... and she asked me, "have we learnt anything over here?"
We could have just ended that with a joke about all the wrong things we learnt (like how to watch videos in the office, or stealing office power etc.) but I suppose... this was a topic that was brought up too close to the end to be so easily dismissed by humor. For it is bad to think that we learnt nothing despite 2 months of living alone in HK, but it is far worse to not realize what we are going to take away from this intern experience.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do." - Eleanor Roosevelt
I’m by no means suggesting what I have gone through is a “horror” but it is just an analogy of what I have never thought myself capable of enduring or surviving on my own. I’m the youngest in my family and for many years, the word responsibility has hardly been associated with me. I guess my earlier days of being a blur and forgetful child alluded to that distinction… and it always seemed impossible to get my folks to actually agree or perhaps acknowledge that I could be slightly mature or responsible or dependable or smart. I’ll always get worked up when someone throws the same accusation to me, “you’re forgetful, you’re blur, cannot be trusted, always like that one.” Extreme annoyance and irritation…And from there just pure hurt and resignation, yes, I am stupid, irresponsible and undependable; nothing good can ever come out from me.
I never understood why their opinion differs so much from what my friends or professors or colleagues thought, it didn’t matter or register to me that others didn’t feel that same way. In truth, everything I did was to prove them wrong, my grades and achievement was to earn that elusive trust I felt I didn’t have.
I guess that’s why I never thought myself capable of surviving Hong Kong on my own. I’ll probably be stupid enough to get myself hurt, or forgetful enough to not succeed, or blur enough to spend all my money, or naïve enough to get cheated. None of these things happened. And it may be remarkable to those at home, but even more enlightening for me. For once, I don’t feel like I need to prove anything but to myself that I am fine being alone. I can be happy, I can take care of myself and I am not as immature, blur, irresponsible as I thought I was. In Hong Kong, I gain that little more confidence and that little more self esteem. Finally acknowledging to myself the qualities I had…
Yesterday, I was told I didn’t get my double degree, in normal circumstances, I would have continued to cried for the next few days feeling like a complete and utter failure. I did cry, I felt sad I couldn’t attain my goal but my friends, my sis, Jiang, even my mum all gave me their trust, their affirmation that they were already proud of me to come thus far… I have never felt so loved… haha...
What I have taken away from Hong Kong may be immaterial, I may even have gotten the same lessons if I had stayed in Singapore. Somehow, I feel a little stronger, a little wiser… I guess, all I needed was just some time by myself to figure out my own thoughts instead of being influenced by others… =)
posted by Unknown at 10:15 AM
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